Sunday, 10 February 2013

Unexpected events

It's been an odd weekend for me, with things happening that I really wouldn't expect to happen often. In a way, it's been kinda ups and downs.
On friday, I went to bed at sleep at 10. The rarity of me going to bed before 11.30 or later is the extent that i'll go for at least a month before doing so, even if I feel that I should (I sometimes try to sleep earlier but then fail to do so. This as I just said, was just an uncommon thing.
The next day, after a tiring session at my judo club, I went into town to meet some of my friends. I had been planning in the week to meet someone else, but by saturday they did not have the money to get into town so I didn't end up meeting them. However on thursday some other friends had said they were going to be in, so in my mind I would have met up with the original friend and the others that I talked to on thursday. In the end, I only met the thursday friends, and this was good, but the outcome of the day was totally unexpected. On the day, there were quite a lot of people around, but instead of hanging around in a group, I mostly was dragged around shopping by one of the thursday friends; they were shopping for job interview clothes. She continually apologised for asking me to accompany her shopping, but as I said to her, I didn't mind at all. In all honesty, it was wonderful to be able to spend a good amount of time with her. She is generally one of those people that is hard to keep in contact with and that you don't see especially often. I say this all respectfully, as she is not like this out of disrespect, college takes up a lot of time, and also she has split parents and both live a fair distance from a town. This event in itself wasn't really much, but due to circumstances, it was a little bit important to me, as a little while back, I was a little concerned about said friend, whether they were worth the effort, because i've known them a long time now, and at times, it's been tricky, due to what I said about them being hard to keep in contact with. This and also seeing them a little bit over the last couple of weeks has revived my hope in our friendship. But in the end, I think it would take a lot for me to give up on her, just one of those subconscious things that are very hard for even you to understand. 

Anyway, enough about focusing on one person, back to talking about my weekend..
That night, I was quite happy, I had a good day in town, got to see a lot of my good friends, had a good catchup with the thursday friend. 
 But oddly, a little while before I went to bed, my mood suddenly fell. I don't know what triggered it, but I definitely know what the mood was about; it was a bit of a sudden worry about the future: college, university, jobs and such things. I suddenly felt like I was just wasting my life, focusing on completely the wrong things. I have generally over the last two years focused a lot of my time on my social life, and that really has done me well, but then again, I have neglected school and college work. Not to be arrogant, but I know that I have academic potential within me, more than some people, who still strive hard to achieve. These thoughts make me a little ashamed of myself, for not taking advantages of the gifts I have, and made me think that I am just sitting back, and awaiting the day that those who are more disadvantaged that me overtake me, and I am the one playing catch up. I then thought that I should really get focused on my college work and get down to it, look towards achieving what is possible for me. 
 Even though I had a solution and the time to implement it, my mood did not fix it self. This was one of those rare moments when I felt that I was being truely pathetic and I utterly hate that. Other people I can accept being pathetic, but in most circumstances, I consider it almost a crime to do so, as I know that I have been taught by one of my closest friends to stay strong and to be self reliant. This alone can not be enough at times I know, but I recognise a mood I should be able to get myself out of, and to fail this I feel this is an insult to myself, the person who taught me this lesson and people who I have a stronger mind than. This irritated me greatly, so in the end I solved it the way that usually works, just sleep it through.

I spent most of today in running around in the pouring rain for hours on end, for my own enjoyment. Which in  my mind, would be considered quite an odd thing. I met up with an old friend of mine, I think the only one I keep in contact with from the first school I was at when I moved away from London. He had invited me out to play airsoft with him and some of his friends from his current school. It was a first time for me. For those that do not know what airsoft is: it is pretty much a competitive game similar to paintball, using BB style guns. I arrived at his house at 9 o'clock then got kitted up appropriately. We drove to the site then and by 10 we were out in the field playing. Due to the horrendous weather, the day did not run as it usually would. Apparently according to the other people I was with, on an average day, it would run continually, from around 10 in the morning till up to 5 in the afternoon, with people taking breaks whenever they felt like dropping out. This day run very differently, it was much more split up, with much shorter games than usual. It was quite a tricky thing, due to the weather, a lot of the gameplay followed the same style, wait in one area for the enemy to advance to ambush them, flank them and then ambush them, or go straight onwards. These tactics were much easier to use due to the unending rain, poor weather conditions and boggy ground. Obviously, after about  6 hours out in the rain, we were drenched to the bone, but it was great fun, and you didn't notice the wetness while you were busy in the field!

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