Sunday, 3 March 2013

Going off topic

Today was pretty damn good, in terms of what would constitute a particularly interesting day, in those terms it was rather an average saturday; go into town, meet friends then chill with them. The nice thing about today was seeing a friend of mine, who I consider my best friend. I usually dislike using the word 'best friend'; I class people I know as: acquaintance, friend, close friend. This friend I feel consider to be an exception to this though, as they are someone who is so inspiring for me, and that has been one of the influences who has made me who I am now. Anyway, after going off on a tangent..the last time I saw this friend was before last christmas, which is quite a long time! I've kept in contact with them of course though, via social media, but it just isn't the same as seeing people in person.

To continue describing my day, I also saw another close friend of mine, who I haven't seen for a couple of weeks. This is a small amount of time really, but well it was great to hang out with them, as they are very dear to me. At the moment, I would say I almost crave their company. This I feel is bad, as I am making an exception of them which is just rude to my other good friends that I have, as it is giving more importance to them, which is just disrespectful.
I have mentioned this person before on my blog, on the post entitled 'risks, cautions and mistakes' I believe. To describe it simply, I liked a person back then, and now a couple of months on, I realise that I either still like them or I have regained those feelings. I have been holding on to these feelings, being ever hopeful but not really expecting much. I do feel that I have failed myself though, as after making an attempt at making them mine and it did not work, or rather will not work, I attempted to get over them, which I have obviously not achieved at all.
The thing about this, is I knew from the start that I knew that I was most likely chasing a dream but decided to continue down the path. Now it is time for me to take action and I have decided. Letting these feelings fester and develop will do nothing but shackle me, so I am making the decision to give up on these pointless feelings. My only fear is that in striving for my freedom of mind, I grow apart from them which would be such a shame considering how long we have known each other well and especially how they seem to have been making more of an effort with our friendship of late. It would also make all the work I have done for our friendship a waste of time, as I feel a while ago, I was the only one upholding our friendship. I feel that the effort was worth it though because our friendship we have now.

I find it quite funny that the last time I attempted to get over them and now also I listened to a song. The lyrics in the song talk about how there is worse to feel sad about, so just get over yourself and cheer up. It is not the nicest ways of being cheered up, as it is quite a harsh way of doing so; the importance though is that you can rely upon that method to work.
The irony in saying that I cheered myself up using this song is that it links in directly with the person I am trying to get over. The band is their is and has been for a long time their favorite band. I also love them, however this love stemmed from my feelings for the person.
The song is called "Romance is dead" by "parkway drive". I shall include a link to a youtube video if you want to listen to it.

Also, If you need them, here are the lyrics for the song:

The incisions is your wrist were all for show.
Just like you.
He epitome of self indulgence.
Another farce.
A charade and another set of crocodile tears.
So serenade her with your last pathetic suicide love song.
Broken hearts never mend
  But fools never move one.
And now she's gone because of you.
And once again You're the epitome of pure self destruction.
Cupid never found his mark.
As we await the insertion of blades on flesh.
You part the skin and tell of blades on blood.
So part the fucking skin.
To tell the blades on blood.
She said "I Love You"
She said.
She said goodbye.
So cry me a fucking river bitch.
You wouldn't know love if it crushed you fucking chest.
Let go.
You wouldn't know love if it crushed your fucking chest.
"Razors, roses and a black tomorrow"
They never showed any affection to anything but your ego.
A tragedy of errors at the best of times.
You are everything that's wrong with me.
You're everything that I despise.
You are everything I dreamed would die.
You are everything that fades away and slowly dies.
Will you bleed for me when suicide seems so yesterday?
Will you bleed for me?
Will you fucking bleed for me when suicide...
It's so yesterday.
It's all so fucking yesterday

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