Disappointment

I haven't written a post in my blog for a couple of days now..I know my description says that i'm most likely going to do a weekly post..but I kind of would like to get round to doing posts more often, say one every 3 or so days..something along those lines, you catch my drift.
So anyway, the fact that I have not posted recently is due to laziness; I have been wanting to write, but either I was busy that day, or I had spent a majority of the day doing homework. As much as I felt I should do a bit of writing, the effort just wasn't there, as I instead felt like either playing my guitar or some computer games (I've recently brought Amnesia, and have been getting into that). This fact, that my desire to be lazy rather than do something lasting, creative and also that would benefit the public (in the end, I would also enjoy the writing once I started) really got to me, I feel rather guilty for not sticking to the rough plan I had laid out in my head for this blog, and I feel a little disappointed in myself. This is a common thing for our species really, with our naturally excessive hopes and dreams, then the reality of the limits what it is possible for us to achieve due to either our enthusiasm, or just the impossible nature of the task. So in a sense, this is not really anything of note.

However, the reason that I felt like posting about this is partially because I wanted to actually have a subject to write about from the start, as I tend to write in the way that the general subject will come to me after I begin writing. The main reason though, was because at the moment, disappointment is something of a recurring theme in my life at the moment. This is not disappointment in anything around me, but purely of myself; possibly that I am falling for the age old mistake of expecting too much of life, but I think that it is due to me not taking all my opportunities given, and being lazy when it is me that must make the effort with things.
Now, Don't think I am outright lazy. because despite what I have just said, I am willing to put effort in, but it is either not enough, or just my personality holds me back.
The main area that this is concerning me is at school (6th form, to be precise). It is to do with the two main issues that I feel are the most important to me; education and social sphere. I hold myself entirely responsible for all my failings in these areas, because well frankly, I am given good opportunities to learn and make friends, but I just hold back.
I find on the education side of things, I am generally doing well, most things I understand in lessons, and I get all the required work done in time. But I would say my main problem is that I either forget how to do things (this mainly occurs with maths, as for me, it's the hardest subject I take) or don't spend my time wisely. In my mind, I say to myself how much additional work I would like to achieve, say on a weekend, and I happily put aside sunday, that could be used for my own enjoyment (meeting friends for instance); I do this, but then my failings show themselves. As the recent past has shown me, I tend to be very easily distracted and procrastinate heavily. This leads me to work by flipping back and forth between work and either playing games, or facebook or other such pointless activities, achieving almost nothing. As the day continues on, I will get work done; albeit slowly. This work however, is usually set homework, that must be finished in the next couple of days. I will get all my necessary work finished without a problem, but then usually this leaves me with only a couple more hours till I should probably get to sleep at, and as a rule, I tend to wind down in the evenings, relaxing, doing whatever I like. So the day has therefore been rather wasted, and this can really weigh heavily on my mind, leaving me with a feeling of underachieving and disappointing myself.
I'm not too sure how I can change this, as frankly, procrastination is a part of human nature, and I seem to take it rather to an extreme. We all say this repeatedly, and in the end don't get it done, but I am going to attempt to change this habit, possibly by leaving all possible distractions out of the equation, or just be harsh to myself, and force myself to work without a break.

That was my personal educational problem. I feel this article has gone on a little long, so i'm not going to write for ages about my social life within school. Pretty much, I talk to people in lessons, and other there are people I get on with, but out of lessons, I find it much harder, as
a) I find it hard to be sociable in a group of people I don't really know
b) I am naturally really shy with new people, depending on how they react to me
c) With quite a few people I find it harder to relate to than I do with other friends I have outside of my educational establishment
These are main things that hold me back, because well I, not surprisingly would like to be sociable and make new, lasting friends, but well, as those shy types would probably understand it is hard. Not that I haven't tried, I have made progress in terms of friendship, but the progress has simply come to a halt. Or even, I am expecting too much..who knows?
Anyway, so I should change my attitude, go out of my comfort zone and take a leap of faith, hopefully it will advance me to my current social aims!

I hope this post doesn't seem depressing, because that wasn't really the aim. I wrote this for those with similar thoughts to me to reflect upon, and in the end, I personally feel that I wrote this in a positive manner, showing that i'm not giving up :)

Also, big news: my 'about me' panel has now been corrected!
For my next post, I think I will write about a friend of mine, that requested a shoutout a little while back, however, they will remain anonymous because...well, just because!

Friday

So, I meant to wait a couple of days, and get a little more inspiration for what the subject for my next post should be, but I felt an update was in need. I felt that my last post is a little incorrect now, as I eventually got round to fiddling around a bit, learning how personalize my page. This means my claims of my blog being in poor form are now wrong, as I kinda feel that it looks pretty cool now! I do feel that it's a shame that the headphones break up  I'll admit, it took a while to figure out how to change it..and even the help of a fellow blogger didn't help, but I managed it! If you like, share your thoughts about it with me. 

However the point about grammatical errors still stands, but it's to be expected from typing an long piece of writing on a phone. That shouldn't be too much of an issue though, as I expect that i'll be writing almost all of my posts when i'm sat down at my computer. And also, a benefit of writing in on my computer, is that i can add in relevant pictures when I feel like it, which I feel is a cool addition, more for the audience of my posts than me though, as it can serve to explain what i'm talking about in a visual manner. 

As I haven't really wrote anything on a particular subject in this post, this has turned out rather like a personal news article, so I feel I should do a bit of 'proper' writing. To keep it simple, I think I might just describe a bit of my day. Nothing major really happened, but in the end, everyone's lives and daily routines are different, so  this may turn out as an interesting read!

So, I woke up this morning, surprisingly awake! I tend to be very tired in the mornings due to pretty much unending late nights (It's rare for me to go to bed any time before 12 am)  and then i'll have a shower and it will wake my mind up. I feel quite lucky in this way, as from what other people say, it seems many people find the tiredness lingers with them till late in the day, around lunch time.

Anyway, back to my story.. so I got up, and had a shower, even if it was a unnecessary to combat my fatigue. Then I got out of the shower, and followed the usual school-day routine of getting dressed, packing my bag etc. 

I left the house and got driven in, arriving in tutor about one minute late, as per usual and so the day at my 6th form began.

It is friday today. I wouldn't say I hate fridays, but i'd definitely go as far as saying I dislike them with a passion. This is because they are my most filled day of a school week; on every other day, I have at least one free period during the day, but fridays are jam packed with lessons, and in combination with the fact that on fridays a massive amount of fatigue usually hits me and persists till around 1 o'clock, it leaves me with one lesson that I am fully awake in. I find this disappointing, as i'm there to learn, so I should make the most of my time! But either way, however annoying fridays can be, they also signify the weekend..and a lie in! So that fact alone outweighs all the irritating factors of friday.

I feel that this is enough writing really, I feel I have written enough creative writing and posted some news about the blog.

Also, interestingly it seems out of the chaos that I have written this in, I found a proper subject for my writing, so I feel that I have actually achieved something :)

I still have not corrected my 'about me' panel though (for those who haven't seen the mistake, I have repeated myself a little) but I shall correct it in the future.

First post!

Well, this is the first post of my blog and if I'm honest, I have no clue how to use this past Making a post  but anyhow, here we go!
So yeah, excuse the page, It's a mess, as I mentioned above, I have no clue how to use this website, so have struggled to personalise my page.
So anyway, I think I will explain why I started this blog up. The idea came to me about a week ago, I have a friend who writes a blog, and i've been following that for about a month or two, and I found it interesting, and I enjoy spontaneous writing, if I get into it.
When I was talking to that person, they mentioned about it opening them up, showing people what they were like (they are naturally quite a closed person). Me, being a generally shy person and sometimes withdrawn (depending on who I'm with), felt this would be a useful tool, in making new friendships. Because I am fine when talking to old friends, however things become much harder when talking to people I don't know. It all depends on their personality; if they themselves do not interact much, without stimulus from me, I can find it hard to get to know them. And this is generally the way a lot of people are, but if people are quite open and friendly, and interact on their own initiative, then I find it much easier to get to know them. Anyway, to link these rambling words..blogs can be a way to get others more interested in you, so they are more inclined to start the conversation rather than you. Well, that was a rather long winded explanation..
Oh yes, another reason! Well I am studying English literature for A level, so I feel that writing an occasional post Will help my writing skills.
And another reason! Well, in a sense, a blog is like a diary, or a picture book, you look back on it the next year, and reflect (usually by saying "urgh, I dislike my past self" ! ) so yeah, a blog can be a way of storing up a peice of information about your past, to review at a later date.
I should probably stop writing now.. I expect this has bored you to death. I hope that my future posts are more interesting!

P.s. if you noticed any grammatical errors, I wrote this on my phone, 'on the fly' as you would call it, so it won't be perfect. Ah well, that just means it'll suit the current state of my profile :)